Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Monday, March 19, 2012It's sad the extent people go to trying to lose weight.What happened to loving your partners for whom they are? Why have superficiality consumed so many? Monday, December 12, 2011Don't know why I became so curt and short tempered. Don't know why I became so intolerant and dull. Don't know why I lost all compassion. Don't know why I became so unfriendly and unkind. Don't know why I suddenly became numb. Wish I can become my old self. Wish I can become more patient. Wish I can start to feel and laugh and cry spontaneously once more. Wish I can find that inner confidence and beauty. Wish I am a better me. Friday, November 18, 2011I finally have something I really hope to receive from Santa this Christmas. Haha..It's been sooooooo cold in my office, I really hope and wish that for Christmas, Santa will give me a jacket/blazer that can keep me warm warm warm and versatile enough to match any of my work clothes. I know that's kinda hard to get something cheap and yet so versatile and of good quality such that it can really keep me warm thus I have no idea at all how it should look like or where I can get it from. It's just a wish item that I hope will drop from the sky. HAHAHA... So anyways, I've been brainstorming about starting my little cookie/bakes thingy and trying to come up with mascots! Haha.. Hopefully you'll see more interesting updates here soon!! ^.^ Monday, October 31, 2011All along, I thought I was considered more of an optimistic person whose always looking on the bright side of life until... one day, my brother just shot me with a statement that burst that happy little bubble of mine. He said "why are you always so negative?". That statement struck me so hard it sent my head spinning for a few seconds. I was really shocked. I couldn't really understand neither did I want to believe it. I strongly believe I used to be a really happy-go-lucky person but what happened??? Was it my surroundings that made me change? My life experiences in the past few years? The stress that I've got from home and hall? What exactly happened??? So since then, which was about 2 weeks ago, I've been thinking, and pondering, and wondering but I could come to no answer. All the possible explanations I could come up with just seemed like I was pushing the blame to everyone else. I thought, perhaps it could be the hall environment and the positions that I've taken up that has turned me into this vicious, unkind creature. And probably all the drastic events that happened at home recently made it all worse. But then, I realise that, at the end of the day, it is ultimately ME that have changed and succumbed to these changes which has led me to become what I am today. Guess I'm just angry when I get scolding from my parents for things my brother failed to do, or procrastinated doing and when I argue with them, all they say is that "can't you just do it for him?", "he's schooling what" etc etc but in actual fact, he has time to go out and play basketball, time to watch soccer and play his computer games. When I leave my baking equipment outside for a day longer, I get scolding and my sis who unfortunately happened to be at home has to suffer her scolding too. When my mum was hospitalized and could not and will not be doing housework for some time, we had agreed that we would split the chores but yet, he failed to was his own sweaty clothes and my dad had to do it. And it just wasn't fair because he wasn't busy studying for his A level chinese (which is today), nor was he busy studying for his promos but he was doing all other stuff like badminton training and watching CSI! So when my sis and I decide we should just leave the clothes there until he decides to fulfill his duty, we will not bother about it. And guess what, we had a huge argument with our mother and she went on telling the whole world what terrible sisters we are and that we couldn't even help out with the housework. She even went on to say how lousy we were even after all that I've done for her. Really made me super upset and pissed hearing her say all that. I mean, I wouldn't have been so pissed had he been busy studying you know? But he wasn't. And we had to have such a big scolding just cause of his irresponsible attitude. And my sis who ALWAYS thinks that she's right. She and her curt and selfish thinking just doesn't give a damn how the other party feels when she says unkind things. This is only applicable towards her family members. She does NOT do this to her bf nor her friends. How ironic right. Haha.. Nonetheless, she always believes in "an eye for an eye" only towards her family. So it's been really hard having to take in all her mean words. Bleah. What's more, think its also been all the stress that I've gotten since my mum first discovered her condition which led to me having to shoulder a lot of responsibilities which made me really naggy and short tempered. However, actually typing this down makes me realise how much more my dad had and has to go through which makes me feel really embarrassed now. Think I'm in no position to complain at all. I'm sorry this post isn't a happy post. It's just that I really needed some outlet to pour out my woes about what a terrible person I've become and it seems so hard to change! So very hard... Feel so unfair that I'm so unappreciated in the family and everyone just seems to think so badly of me when in actual fact, it's probably half true. I have to admit when my mum scolds me cause of my siblings, I'll have the tendancy to want to scold them and blame them cause I think its just unfair I've to take their rap when its got nothing to do with me! Worse still, it isn't like I haven't been nagging at them to do their duty and when I nag, I get told off for being so naggy. Its like, nothing I do will ever be good enough for everyone and I can't just not care cause I'm the eldest, the family needs to be kept in a proper living condition, and I have to help my dad out. I don't expect anyone to really understand what I'm talking about cause I now I'm ranting away profusely and perhaps not making sense but its just frustrating. HAI. =( Okay. Done whining. My next step in life is aiming to self improve so that even when I get upset, I can swallow everything and not let it spillover to others. Cause only by learning how to swallow it seems, that I'll learn to regain that patience that I once had. Yups yups. On a lighter note, I am seriously thinking of selling my home-baked stuff as a side biz. Tried another cookie recipe recently. Thought it turned out quite well (except I had cut down a little too much sugar) Hahaha. Planning to bake tons of it and give as party take home packs for my sis's birthday party come 11th Nov. Hopefully that''ll be a starting point! =D Starting to think of a logo and "shop name" already. Haha... Sadly, I think I need some reality check though. If anyone is reading this, could you please tell me if you think practically whether or not my stuff is good enough to be sold? Hahaha.. Thanks! =D Friday, September 23, 2011An unlucky morning saved by "luky". =)Here's what happened... It was a rainy morning and traffic was exceptionally heavy. By the time I had arrived at the bus stop to walk to my work place, it was 10 minutes to 8am and the rain had become a drizzle. I had donned on a treasure (or so I thought) that I found while clearing the whole stack of shoe boxes at home that day. It was a sandal-y shoe that was navy blue in colour with a slight heel. Perfect for work. Asked my mum if I could have it since it fitted perfectly and I knew she wasn't going to wear it since she had so many pairs to play around with. In addition, it was a change from the conventional closed toe shoes that I have been wearing plus it could help to reduce that awful smell you get when wearing shoes the whole day. So I took 3 happy steps towards the zebra crossing and suddenly, I felt the right side of my "shoe" became a little lose but I didn't think much about it. But as I took a few more steps, I felt like my ankle was no longer "strapped" onto the sole and I lifted my pants a little to check it out. To my horror, i saw that the strap had DETACHED from the sole! However, I thought I could make it at least to my office or hopefully through the whole day cause I had the front portion to hold my feet, but I was absolutely wrong. 5 steps unto the zebra crossing and the front portion CAME OFF. Literally!! Gosh! It was so bad I was contemplating if I should take off the shoe and just walk barefooted but I eventually decided against the idea and just walked with my left, dragged my right. At this point of time, I knew I was approaching a 7-11 convenience store and boy was I praying there would at least be a few pairs of slippers on sale. A few more steps and... my left side sandal started disintegrating too! Think I seriously looked like a major joke. Just glad there weren't many people around in the wee hours of the early morning! So, I successfully made my way to 7-11 and PHEW, I saw slippers!! They aren't exactly very pretty slippers but I guess they would beat having nothing to wear and... I was lucky enough the last pair of black slippers with a cute koala bear design was my size! =D This pair of slippers was called "luky". =) Well, that didn't end all my woes cause I was going to have a training in the afternoon and a meeting with some big shot in the early evening! It really gave me a huge headache just thinking about how to look presentable (i.e. NOT in slippers). BUt but... I must say this lucky "luky" slippers made a wrong day right. When I arrived at my office, I dropped my boss a short e-mail asking if I had to be in proper shoes for the meeting in the evening and described a little about my little misfortune in the morning. She popped over a few minutes later and waved me into my big boss's office. =X Thankfully, she called me there to try my big boss's shoes!!! And guess what? It fitted!!! Felt a BIT lose in fact but WOAH. She was more than happy to lend me! Know why? Cause I found out she had 5 other pairs of shoes under her table! Haha. I felt so relieved and grateful at that moment cause I don't think there are many superiors out in the working world who would be so helpful and understanding. =) I was also glad to find out from another senior that it was alright to wear slippers for the training! Aren't I lucky. =) So for the whole day, despite having a borrowed pair of shoes, I decided it was better for me to wear my slippers cause her shoes look way too expensive and with my awkward walking style (tend to put my weight on the outer side of my feet), it would be safer to wear it only if necessary. Halfway through the training, I got an sms from my boss saying the evening meeting was cancelled! =D You can imagine just how elated I was! It really seemed like a lucky day >>>> unlucky day. ^.^ What's more, I called home to find out my mum had cooked! WHEE!!! But the experience in the morning really taught me a lesson - that it was important to have an extra pair of "something", be it slippers or shoes in the office. Hahaha. Wanted to upload a photo of luky and my extremely horrid sandals but my laptop doesn't have bluetooth so guess I just gotta wait till I'm home! Alright, guess I'm done ranting about yesterday. TGIF! Can't wait to see my besties tonight!!!! =) Wednesday, September 14, 2011Hello everyone!I'm back again to blog! Haha... It's gonna be an EGGGGCITING weekend for me! Going to stay at Fairmont Singapore hotel for 1 night on Sat AND going for HIGH TEA BUFFET at Ellenborough Market Cafe once more! =D =D =D It's been awhile since I've gone for high tea buffet. Just hope my super small appetite can suddenly expand and eat a lot a lot on Sat!! Heehee... Meanwhile, I'm super looking forward to the SUBWAY DEALS!!!! Not sure if any of you have received the coupons that offers different subway meals during different days at only $5.90! It's cool right?? And its the regular meal with 2 cookies! haha.. TODAY its BUY 1 GET 1 FREE!! With any purchase of a 22oz drink.. hahaha... so Subway fans like me... go make use of the offer!! =) Well, nothing very exciting has happened this week... think the most exciting would have to be playing lanterns at my grandparents place for 1 last time cause the place's been sold. =( Eating horrific amounts of mooncake on Sunday, followed by the $50 HUGE MAO SHAN WANG mooncake from Goodwood Park Hotel on Monday - a gift from my sis's bf. And we've got a mountain more to finish. Haha.. Any mooncake fans wanna lend a helping hand? Heehee.. Think i'm really going to miss my grandparents place a lot after growing up with it for 23 years now.. ah wells... things change, people change, but i just hope that at the end of the day, the relationship stays unmoved. (Speaking in relation to my family stuff =X) Alrightie! Think I'm done updating for now. Still haven't uploaded any photos I know.. will do that soon!! Going out for dinner tonight with Cel, Grace and Meiqian. Can't wait to hear updates from them! =) Meanwhile, take care all my dearest friends! =) Wednesday, September 07, 2011Hello everyone!I'm finally updating after my official start of adult life. It's been 45 days since I first started working and... well, I wouldn't say this is what I had in mind when I first accepted the job. During the first few weeks, there were many a time I was so free I was literally doing nothing. Then chatting with my Uncle over 1 weekend set me thinking of where I want to go in future and if the prospects this job will bring. Furthermore, this place is really really far from home. It takes me at least an hour and a half to get home everyday. I mean my dad alights me off at NUS in the morning for now, but what happens when we have to sell the car and when he retires? However, the work environment here is wonderful - colleagues are really nice, welfare from the company is not bad (we get like 3 buffets for a 4-hour training! Just where to find this kinda welfare right?!) So that week was really tormenting for me. I kept thinking what was the right course of action I should take. Should I start looking out for new jobs? But it hasn't even been a month at that time! After much advice from my friends and a whole lot of internal debate within myself, I decided I should give it a few more months before deciding whether or not to call it quits. After 1 month plus, I would say I've learnt more things, although very specific but at least I'm learning more about the education system in the healthcare industry, doing slightly more stuff now, although still very very administrative, but I guess that's all part of learning to move on to something bigger. In here, there are so many jargons and rules and regulations it really take time and effort to learn them. They can't be studied off a book cause its the new queries and issues that leads you to realise the numerous stuff you don't know about. Its really only sitting through those meetings and addressing those issues will I learn more. In conclusion, I told myself I have to be patient and wait and slowly learn more. It isn't exactly that WOAH in terms of prospects, but I realise everyone here works towards a certain goal that I personally believe in and that's for the betterment of better healthcare. After those visits to the hospitals and time spent on doctor visits, I firmly believe in the need for quality healthcare for our society. Hopefully with this belief, it will pull me through to something I would never have expect. =) Okay! Done with the updates! Now, having received my first pay just last week or so, I've been slowly realizing part of my many goals in life and that is... to finally be able to give my parents and grandparents allowance and treat my loved ones with my own $$!!! =D So super happy when I saw how happy my grandparents were when I first gave them some $$. SO were my parents! =D Really felt very good. It felt awesome when I treated my maternal grandparents and uncle's family during Hari Raya Puasa. We didn't go anywhere expensive, just somewhere near their place called Happy Seafood Kampong at Tagore Lane. Don't have photos with me now but will add some in here one I have them! =D Next treat is today to my Nanny and her family. This family brought me up when I was young and my jie has showered me with gifts and numerous treats ever since. I'm so glad I'm finally able to foot the bill for once. =) Looking forward max to tonight! wheeee.... Other than that, I've got a few more treats upcoming, will update them as they pass! Meanwhile, take care everybody! *HUGZ* |